Evening Reflections

My goal is to write every morning and every evening.

The reason for doing that is to create heightened mindfulness and awareness.

It seems that I go through life a lot without thinking.  I am doing this and that and the other thing, but those actions too frequently take me from the person I want to be, from the best person I am, rather than to that person.

I am 58 years old.  I hope I am blessed with old age, but the clock just doesn't stop ticking and I feel I have lost time not paying enough attention to living the way that I want.

So, we have my three things:

• healthy eating
• new home
• greater work fulfillment

What did I do today to take me closer to those?

I went to Whole Foods - woot!  And the Acme, our local supermarket.  I am stocked up on fruit and veggies and yogurt.  I had salad and edamame for dinner - another woot!   And a glass of wine.  I can do this.  And it is not just about looking better.  When I weigh less than I do now, it just feels like the real me.  Currently, my real me is hidden by 20 pounds of fat which, to be honest, I have to say was intentional because I ate to numb myself from stress.  Give me that ol' sugar high so I wouldn't be sad or mad or scared. Sugar is my crack and we are coming off of that addiction now.  Time to feel what my life is like and if there is too much stress or sadness or anger, best make some changes rather than keep hiding from them by eating.

I drove to see a house that look nice online.  Hm.  Not as nice on the outside as I had hoped.  Sent a note to my realtor that I would still like to see the inside.  And found another home online that I would like to see.  This is good.  Itty bitty progress there.

And work, well, back to work tomorrow.  Going to try to get in early; I am most productive then.  Don't really have a plan for improvement there yet other than keep working hard and I know that alone will not change anything.

See, the 'plan' is about the mindfulness.  Being aware.  Being intentional.  Not letting my life dribble out and away without living the way I really want to.  That's the crux of the plan.

So what did not go well today in terms of living and being as I aspire to be?

Well, I have a Sunday routine of buying coffee for my daughter at Dunkin Donuts before she goes to work.  I bought and ate a chocolate chip muffin.  I even asked for one with lots of sugar on top.  (Insert cringing here...)  So, you know, when I start the day with a choc chip muffin, there is really no recovery from that in terms of calories.  The rest of the day was good though, so I am not beating myself up.

I did not meditate - yet.  Unless of course, this is my meditation - which it very well could become, at least one form of it.  I will meditate before bed.

My aspiration - to keep open my authentic core which provides the power to soar.